There arecountlesslies you’ve been told about love.
After all, every song on the radio seems to be about this emotion, right?
The hitTV showsandromantic comedy movieswe watch center around love stories.
There’s always a couple that everyone loves to ship.
Social media is no help either.
Instagram influencers share their gorgeous weddings and friends post date-night selfies.
Dating apps and websites promise to find the perfect one for you.
According to experts, these are some of the biggest lies you’ve been told about love.
Turns out that’s just one of the many lies you’ve been told about love.
It is true, though, that a lothappens to your body when you’re in love.
Romantic love does cause the brain to release dopamine, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher toldBusiness Insider.
After doing so, the participants ended up having higher levels of cortisol.
It seems risky to be with someone different from you.
However, it would be a lie to say compatibility is everything.
In truth, a relationship goes well when people put effort into it.
It’s not about how well your personalities match up.
It’s less aboutwhoyou are and interact with each other.
Researchers Brian Boutwell, J.C. Barnes, and Kevin Beaver have found otherwise.
Through an fMRI, they found the area of her brain associated with her feelings for him.
She then went through neurofeedback therapy to retrain her brain.
After this therapy, Dessa said her brain no longer lit up in response to pictures of her ex.
There are degrees to the feeling.The word itself is subjective.
One person’s definition of love may be more or less intense than someone else’s view of it.
Or, you might love someone but also have some negative feelings about your relationship.
According to aPsychology Todayarticle penned by philosopher Berit Brogaard, people can romantically love others to varying degrees.
It means being “open to what comes along,” she toldBustle, and ready for a relationship.
She noted that love takes choosing to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.
Choosing to invest in your relationship takes work.
Linda and Charlie Bloom, social workers and authors,describe this investment as a skill.
Feeling in love isn’t enough to make a relationship work, they say.
It’s a lie that love merely involves emotion; it requires practicing relating to each other.
Venting these feelings can fostermorenegativity.
Clinical psychologist Randi Gunther wrote forPsychology Todaythat arguments are “often likely to create cumulative damage over time.”
She warned that anger can cause your partner to become defensive, leading to misunderstandings.
According toGottman, a healthier way to deal with these emotions is to manage thembeforetensions arise.
It’s best when partners respond positively to each other, even when the other has said something negative.
Chances are, your partner’s anger is more about their own feelings than about you.
After all, that’s what you’ve always been told.
However, it’s a lie.
In his research on marriage, John Gottman found that “marriages oriented around reciprocity were less successful.”
Keeping score causes resentment and disappointment, he detailed toPureWow(viaYahoo!
Finance) when expectations aren’t met.
Often times,marriage therapists know a relationship won’t lastbecause of how the couple fights.
According to John Gottman’s research (viaPsychology Today), fights tellall.
The three fighting styles are made up of conflict-avoidant, volatile, and validating.
According toPsychology Today, avoidant couples have a calm but distant marriage.
Volatile style marriages involve expressing a lot of positive and negative feelings with passion.
Validating couples work through arguments peacefully with love, but aren’t quite as passionate.
Gottman asserts that it isn’t importantwhatyou’re arguing about, just that you do it graciously.
But, actually, that’s just another lie you’ve been told about love.
In addition to this, Watson says that women have more orgasms when they’re in a committed relationship.
In reality, love takes work from both partners.
Otherwise, your relationship becomes about practical tasks and housekeeping, rather than having fun together.
In addition to prioritizing fun with your partner, Gottman says that love requiresworking at communication.
Healthy communication keeps the relationship thriving.
Couples therapist Laurie Watson explained that sex also takes work.
She explained toBustlethat it requires “lots of careful communication, courageous vulnerability, practice and negotiation.”
It’s challenging when you expect sex to come easily but it doesn’t.
That’s normal, though, according to Watson.
It’s especially common to encounter roadblocks to sex with your partner at the beginning of a relationship.
They also have a harder time showing forgiveness and feel more anxious in the relationship.
People who believe in soulmates alsoview conflict more negatively.
The probability of finding"the one"is very slim.
Because that’s how it works, right?
That’s a lie, according to anthropologistHelen Fisher, who is the chief science adviser for Match.com.
Theyareannoying, however, when they belong to your significant other.
To keep the peace, it’s tempting to ignore them and hope you’ll stop noticing.
To combat this, it’s important to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, not theproblems.
Fights have a positive purpose: they help us get to know our partner better.
These fights are normal there’s never been a couple that hasn’t had an argument.
According to Gottman, 69 percent of conflict in relationships is recurring.
Turns out, though, that’s nothing more than a lie.
Instead, she advised doing something peaceful before bed and seeing if you’re still angry the next morning.
Psychologist Guy Winchfurther recommends talking with your partner to decide when to continue your argument.
You’ll get a good night’s sleep and discuss the issue at a better time.
This allows both partners time to calm down and get perspective to avoid the conflict escalating.
InThe Gottman Institute’s Love Lab, researchers discovered that people embroiled in arguments are “physiologically stressed.”
