Dr. Viviana Coles has been playing matchmaker on “Married at First Sight"ever since Season 9.
Because of that, the entire process is pretty personal to her.
What is it specifically about"Married at First Sight"that made you want to be involved?
It’s so radical and real.
Those are the draws.
It’s what I do all the time.
I’m always working with clients.
That’s something that I think is very interesting: the dynamics of marriage.
If we did, they would look very different.
And we never really know how they’re going to respond.
It’s a powerful education tool.
It’s a powerful deterrent at times.
That has so been me.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, no wonder they get their feelings hurt.
Yes, definitely it makes it easier, because the reports that we get are in writing.
Oh, well, yes, they saidthis, but the tone.
Tone is such a big deal in communication the facial and body expressions.
They both would totally understand each other,” but that’s completely unethical.
I wouldn’t do it.
I would never end up knowing, unless they told me, but yeah, things like that.
I’ve never outright been a matchmaker, though, and this is the ultimate matchmaking platform.
“Can you expand on how long that process takes for you and what it entails?
Yeah, usually it takes about two to three months.
It really just depends.
Sometimes, it’s longer.
And that gets it to where we’ve got this pool that we work with.
We’re doing callbacks with them.
Usually, during the pandemic, it’s been virtually.
because those are two different things.
So yeah, it’s a lot to juggle.
And I think it goes pretty well.
We’re proud of the work that we’ve done.
That doesn’t mean that we’re not disappointed.
Right, and we’re not looking for any bad boys.
[laughs] Bad boys, stay home!
We don’t need you, bad boys!
I want the potential for them to have that.
Who are you when you’re angry?
Who are you when you’re frustrated?
And that gives me some indication.
But, it’s true.
Some people just know, “Oh, I have to get it out right then and there.
I’m going to let them know what I’m thinking.”
That’s not always a bad thing.
Direct communication during an argument isn’t always a bad thing.
So, again, there’s so much to think about and so much to consider.
Is someone who’s 5'6” versus 5'7" really a deal-breaker?
Is someone who has light brown versus dark brown hair really a deal-breaker?
There could be somebody out there that fits this description."
I’m so glad that we do get to do in-person still.
Those are things that tell us.
On the contrary, I do not like arrogant people, either.
There’s really no way of knowing that.
Do you think the cameras have any effect on people?
Do you get people who are looking for attention?
“Obviously” is the operative word, because some people can hide that.
I’m okay with people wanting to do the show.
How do you know what you’re signing up for?"
It’s a double-edged sword, right?
Yeah, that was an audition."
And also, did you change the matchmaking process at all when you joined the show?
I didn’t come in guns blazing.
I’m not one of those people who just sits back and observes.
That’s not my style.
I think that coming into this later on was definitely intimidating, but I was so put at ease.
That made me feel like, “You know what?
I’m in the right spot.”
That’s like your background, as well?
So you talk about that a lot, even with couples who aren’t on the show?
I love to see when they are proactively talking about things.
You’re like, “Okay, Zoom over.
Can we get this over with?”
A lot of defensiveness.
So if they’re being too defensive, that’s a big one.
Because it takes work.
They have to put in the work into their relationship.
You shouldn’t be talking about families.
What are some of the biggest struggles that you’ve seen with a lot of couples on the show?
That’s just not something that’s a given.
I don’t know that we’ll ever really know that.
We can feel strongly about it, but we’re not their brains.
We’re not their eyes, so that’s a big one.
It’s the proposed cost versus the actual cost.
I have cried on Decision Days.
So that was really a tough one for me.
Not because they wanted to be together, but because they truly wanted to be married.
So we don’t get to be at the weddings, unfortunately.
I am hoping that that changes.
I would love to be at the weddings.
I’ll just be a server.
I’ll get a little mustache.
I’ll be going around listening in.
I think, for sure, Jamie and Elizabeth from Season 9.
Their story was such a roller coaster, which, as a therapist, I’m used to.
They were so up and down.
Every hour we were getting notices, “Thisis happening.”
Okay, who’s calling next?
Who’s going to talk to him?
There was a lot.
But what I loved about them is that they never gave up.
They never gave up on trying to figure out whether or not this could go somewhere.
This is gross," because, at times, it was really gross.
But fortunately for them, they stuck in there and worked through it.
They believe in therapy.
They pay for whatever counselors they want to work with, and they took advantage of that.
Not only that, but they reached out.
I know they reached out to me.
How can we work through this?
What do you think?"
And I think that that is so promising.
It shows that they know how to work through their issues, and now they’re doing amazing.
Because, I mean, we’re dying.
We’re like parents.
We’re looking like, “Oh, my gosh.
What’s going to happen?”
And so I’m like, “I’ll stop when you send them.
yo send the picture.”
We don’t expect video or anything, because that’s just not feasible.
And then we want to know how are the families getting along.
What was the kiss like?
All of the contact that we have with the participants.
Actually, this is a great question.
That’s different than in the past.
We’ve usually had fewer episodes, so it feels like you’re moving along further… Pastor Cal has visited once.
I’m about to visit next week.
That’s because I usually come in on the third week, which doesn’t sound that bad.
But over the course of nine episodes, it’s like, “Where is Dr. Viviana?
Where are the experts?”
You’re going to have to be more patient.
But definitely our time with them.
We spent hours with the couples.
We absolutely do call.
We do get to do FaceTime.
If the couples ask for us, we’re there.
We’d like Pastor Cal to call.
We’d like Dr. Pepper.
The experts aren’t around."
Sometimes they do, and I guess that’s where also the social media stuff comes in.
I’ll post some of the behind-the-scenes stuff when I’m meeting with someone.
But just because it wasn’t on air doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
I’m very grateful.
And not that that’s the worst, but it’s tough.
It is tough today.
It’s tough to be single.
Take advantage of the first longer courtship.
And so I’m a big fan of just taking it slow, take advantage.
Take advantage of these externally set boundaries.
What advice do you have for those relationships that are struggling during this challenging time?
A lot of people are like, “Well, let’s just see what happens.
We’re together every day.
We’re working from home.
Let’s just address the issue if it [comes up].”
What I would say is, be preventative.
Everybody still needs their individual time.
They also need to focus on some of their couples issues, some of their family issues.
This is not the time to turn it into one long erotic marathon.
You’ll be surprised people are doing that.
They’re like, “Oh, yeah, let’s take advantage.
We’re here together.”
I’m like, “This is going to get old real quick.”
What won’t you see?
This process is #ThisAin’tMAFS.
This is not marriage.
This is not the matchmaking process that we go through.
We want them to see what their issues are and why they’ve been unsuccessful in love.
We just put them through it.
So I am so excited, because dating is so much fun to watch other people [do].
you oughta be your best self, and if something happens, and there’s a spark, great.
But if not, you learn something, because this is for you.
So yeah, it’s different in that way that it’s not so much about the match.
It’s more about the individual growing.
